another conversation and some thoughts

Today we went to the pool. During 'adult swim' ie BREAK we went to the snack shack and got a 10 cent popsicle. (I didn't know that you could buy anything for 10 cents anymore - and I was even more shocked when my child wanted to but the cheapest thing on the menu... but I digress).

Anyway, so we are sitting on the side of the pool, eating our popsicles when we have this conversation:

Bennett: I wish that I was an adult so that I could not have to stop swimming during break.

Me: Well, when would you eat your popsicle if you didn't have a break?

Bennett: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The first thing I would do when I got here was get a popsicle!

Me: speechless and unsure of who my child is mimicking (oh, that would be me you say???)

Bennett: Well, I mean, I would put on sunscreen first. Then get the popsicle.

Makes perfect sense.  

How can this child of mine constantly amaze me?  I mean, every day he says something that I want to remember. He does things that make me pause and smile and be thankful.  

Tonight as he was leaving for Tae Kwon Do with Brad, I hollered from the kitchen 'I love you! Have a good time!'  He hollered back 'I love you too!' and I heard him blow me a kiss.  I heard the door close, then reopen and he said 'Did you get that kiss??'  Ahh.  I sure did. I love that kid!

In the past I have questioned God's plan for our family. I mean, really questioned.  Argued with Him. Pleaded. I was mad, sad, defeated.  I had planned for more children. Three to be exact. God obviously didn't. But you know what? My plans are not His.  I tried to make my plans His, but He taught me that His plan is the right one.  Not mine. His plan is now mine - not the other way around.

As I've come to accept God's plan for my life, I've come to realize that God has given me ALL that I needed. Bennett. God knew what a blessing he would be in my life. He knew that I could be filled with enough love and purpose from mothering one child. Yesterday as we left the gym, Bennett asked me if I still prayed for another baby. He wants a baby brother, he said. He wanted me to pray to God for that baby last night (he even promised to change diapers if I gave him gloves :) I told him that I would pray - but that God was the one in charge of our family and that sometimes we don't get to have all that we want. 

I've learned through infertility that if I let Him that He will give me all that I need. Maybe not all that I want, but that is because He knows what is best for me.  Today I can honestly say that I am happy with one child. This time 1 year ago, I never thought I'd be happy until I had another child. Little did I realize that all that I needed to be happy was already in my arms. 

I'm praising God for giving me all that I need for today - and praying that He will continue to be patient with me as I try to follow His plan.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.