Sometimes being a mom is tough.

There are times, as a mom, when you don't want to have to deal with what is coming at you.  You can see it coming, you can imagine the outcome, and you try to brace yourself. Sometimes it turns out just as you thought, sometimes better, and sometimes even worse... Do you know what I mean?

Here's the thing - Bennett's Tae Kwon Do school is having a tournament this Saturday and when he heard about it from his teacher, Bennett immediately wanted to sign up. Brad and I had our reservations - Bennett is an intermediate belt, but he is by far one of the youngest (if not the youngest... it's hard to tell b/c he is so big :) in the class.  There are things in TKD that are just rote memorization and practice, but there are things that require maturity and dexterity to master.  Bennett does a great job in class. He is enthusiastic. He is a hard worker. But, he's five. And, I hate to say it, but I think he has inherited a bit of my lack-of-athletic ability.

I can't imagine that Bennett has a chance in this tournament, but he wants to do it. We signed him up, and he'll compete at 10 on Saturday. I've tried to prepare him - I've told him that I will be proud as long as he does his best. I've tried to 'help' him practice (that was a disaster - we both just ended up frustrated and in need of a break). We've talked about the trophies - and that even if you don't get a trophy, at least you will get a t-shirt. 

He wondered why everyone wanted a trophy. He likes them too, he said. He said that he would just be going to get the t-shirt. He said he would try his best. 

He said that he loved me the most, next to God (He's at the tip-top of the list, he said). God is always at the top, he said, because God is the one who put us together.

I never want to set him up for failure, but I am prepared to watch on Saturday. I am prepared to cheer him on and give him the thumbs up (that's the corny thing that we do :) when he gets done.  But I also know that while he's competing, I'll be breathless, on the verge of tears, praying that he does ok. I'll be praying that he won't be disappointed. I'll be hoping that by some miracle, he gets that first place trophy. Maybe there will only be 3 kids there - a sure thing for a trophy :)  I'll be prepared to tell him how cool that t-shirt is - and how it is a special t-shirt that only a few special people have. I'll be ready to tell him that he did his very best, and when you do your very best, that's all you can do.  I'll tell him that he'll do better next time. I'll help him practice. 

And, I'll always love him - at the top of the list. Next to God, of course, because He's the whole reason I have any of this! I am SO thankful.